Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
