This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
