Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
