she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
