Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
