Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
