I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
