I wanna bring you to show and tell
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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