From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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