I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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