Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
