The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
