And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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