My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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