i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All the doctor said was why
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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