She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
