We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
