Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
