put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.