Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
