i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant