his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?