the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
