why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
