i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
