i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
