If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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