Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
