Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
