i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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i came on her dog
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
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