just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
