TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
