Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
my liver is dry heaving
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
