Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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