It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
