Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
