maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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