If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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