We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
