oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
