i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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