I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You dont lie about slip and slides
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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