I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
