A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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