THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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