Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
