You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
