kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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