JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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