So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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