time to smoke my breakfast
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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