found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
