Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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