You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
