I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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