Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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