so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
