Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
time to smoke my breakfast
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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