No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
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i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
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probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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