Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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