this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
