Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
