Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
