So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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