so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
