I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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