wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
