this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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