I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
