I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
