im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
