Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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