he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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