Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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